Bai nay lam hoi sang, co sua te le, toi gio ngoi viet lai. Gio no thanh dzi ne..Phan ket luan hong tot lam, but ma ..met roai...
Studying far away from home is rather common among college students. However, staying in the school dormitory is not always a good choice. Some students enjoy sharing an apartment with a roommate. You may find this can helps to lower the cost, lessen the weight of housework, and creates a sense of partnership.
First of all, living with a partner can be the best way to save costs. If you have a roommate, you can save at least 200 dollars on the rent every month and it is a big amount for a student. Besides, a considerable saving sum may be made if you can arrange to share your meals and go to school together.
Secondly, you may find housework a burden when sharing it with your roommate. It would be terrible if you have to do all those chores alone. Your housework can be divided between you and your partner. You can cook, do the cleaning, and empty the dust bin while your roommate can iron wash the dishes, and do the laundry. By this way, you will have more time for your personal interests.
Last but not least, having a roommate creates a sense of sharing. Nothing can be worse than getting home alone and having no one to talk to or to work with, especially when it repeats every day. Your partner may not be a doctor when you are sick, a psychologist or a good talker when you have problem, but he or she must be a person you need to keep you away from a feeling of loneliness when you are away from home.
Although sharing a place with someone may cause unexpected matters but this wonderful solution not only brings you more money savings and more time to enjoy your hobbies but also offer a cozier home feeling.
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Here are my comments for your awesome essay
* The term "partner/ partnership" thường liên hệ đến bồ bịch (except for professional work like dancing...):D. It should not be used in this case.
*. "You may find this can helps to lower the cost, lessen the weight of housework, and creates a sense of partnership."
-> Grammar error at "helps", "creates" + lủng củng
Suggestion: "you may find this can help to lower the cost, lessen the housework and have more fun" (see the parallel in "lower, lessen, more"
* "living with a partner can be the best way to save costs"
Suggestion: "living with another person..."
* "Besides, a considerable saving sum may be made if you can arrange to share your meals and go to school together."
-> nghe kì kì
Suggestion: "Moreover, if you can arrange to share your meals and go to school togerther, you can even made a considerable saving sum"
* "Your housework can be divided between you and your partner"
-> partner again :|
* "You can cook, do the cleaning, and empty the dust bin while your roommate can ?iron wash? the dishes, and do the laundry."
-> keep it sort and parallel, like "You can cook, do the cleaning while your roommate can wash the dishes, and do the laundry."
* "By this way, you will have more time for your personal interests"
-> personal sounds kind a serious ah.
Suggestion: "By this way, you will have more time for your own interests"
* "Nothing can be worse than getting home alone and having no one to talk to or to work with, especially when it repeats every day"
Suggestion: "Nothing can be worse than getting home alone and having no one to talk to or to play with, especially when it is the same every day"
* "Your partner may not be a doctor when you are sick, a psychologist or a good talker when you have problem, but he or she must be a person you need to keep you away from a feeling of loneliness when you are away from home."
-> dai`, lủng củng, mà "good talker" là cái gì thế, sao lại "must be"
Suggestion: "Your partner may not be a doctor when you are sick, a psychologist when you have problem, but he or she can be a person you need to keep you away from loneliness when you are away from home."
* "Although sharing a place with someone may cause unexpected matters but this wonderful solution not only brings you more money savings and more time to enjoy your hobbies but also offer a cozier home feeling."
-> questionable conclusion about "unexpected matters"!!! Dùng ở mở bài còn tạm được, đã conclude còn make people wonder là hông nên :D.
Advise: Keep writing. More and more! Use idiom, phrase in essays by native speaker to make yours more natural and less sound like the translations from Vietnamese.
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